What your fulfilled life will cost you
What your fulfilled life will cost you
Personal freedom is anything but free
Well, that was one of the more uncomfortable conversations with my mom that I’ve had in a while.
I was flying high after a beautiful morning out on the beach with my pup, Lela. But then, apparently, I asked the wrong question.
“Hi, Mom. Did you go to Poppa’s ceremony yet?"
I knew that today, my 96-year-old grandfather was being awarded and honored into the “Veterans Hall of Fame”.
“No, it’s this afternoon,” she replied, but then added the kicker by asking,
“Are you coming?”
Of course, she was saying that facetiously, given the fact that she was in New York and I was calling her from over 2,000 miles away in Costa Rica.
But that wasn’t enough to set it off.
Our conversation continued and she asked if I had any suggestions for what she and her boyfriend could do for her birthday on Long Island, aside from the usual 'going out to eat'.
Turns out, the options are limited, and I mentioned casually “That’s why I love living somewhere warm."
“I’d like to live somewhere warm too,” Mom replied, then twisted the already-impaled knife…
“But it’s more important for me to be close to my father.”
And that did it. The conversation, abruptly and painfully, was over.
We did make amends rather quickly, which was really nice.
But the whole incident got me thinking.
After all, this is my very career and purpose in life…to help people free themselves from the shackles of societal expectations and live the life that THEY dream of…the life that their soul is BEGGING of them.
In my opinion, a life filled with anything less than that is a half-lived life.
However, personal experience has given me this nugget of wisdom:
Personal freedom isn’t exactly free.
In fact, it comes at a steep price.
To live the life that you envision, the life that no one else can steer you to, guide you through, or help you comprehend…you must do the one thing that most people will never do…
You must listen to your heart…and nothing else.
And it will cost you dearly.
You will be breaking GENERATIONAL patterns and familial rites that began in a time when there was much less autonomy and far fewer freedoms.
Families relied on each other tremendously. Tight-knit communities grew, typically based on an underlying commonality like old-world heritage or religion. There was nothing wrong with this at all.
And there is STILL nothing wrong with it…if it’s what YOU want and not what you’re doing because you’re family tells you: “This is what we do.”
Those ancestors endured hardships for the freedoms we get to enjoy today. Far too often, however, those opportunities get squandered…like an old, barnacle-bottomed sailboat that longs for the ocean but never leaves the harbor.
Breaking free is liberation.
Breaking free is necessary.
But breaking free will hurt you.
In my case, I get to see my nieces and nephews a few times a year at best, I miss wonderful holidays with my mom, award ceremonies for my grandpa, birthday celebrations, and random get-togethers with family.
I have to live with having my phone in hand, ready to book flights to New York to see my grandma during her final days. But then I get the call…
I missed my chance.
What’s worse is that breaking free will also hurt them.
If you’re the generation that breaks the pattern, this means that your parents will be the last ones who didn’t. So, naturally, they would prefer, expect, and potentially demand that you do the same. When you don’t, they will be hurt and it’s extremely personal…after all, they’ve based their entire life around those decisions.
Of course, I’ve tried to explain my perspective to my mom many times. I tell her that I love her very much and that I (truthfully) would love to spend more time with her. I try to convey how my decisions have nothing to do with her actions and everything to do with me living the life that I want to live, where I want to live it.
I remind her that I get to wake up in paradise, meditate outside with howling monkeys and tropical birds singing, take long walks on the beach multiple times a day, play with my dog for hours, practice yoga on the sand, swim in the ocean, and enjoy magnificent sunsets. I spend my time guiding others on their own journeys of mindfulness and personal freedom, writing creatively, traveling freely, and so much more…
And she understands. She even said in a text just after that uncomfortable conversation, “You’re right, if you were here and unhappy that wouldn’t be good either. I’m glad you’re happy. But you’re not here and that’s why I’m sad. No criticism. I’m allowed to be sad.”
I try to live life with no regrets. Unfortunately, that just doesn’t seem possible anymore.
Life is a great adventure.
And every adventure is wrought with peril.
So you must choose your peril…your sacrifice…and even your regrets wisely.
Miss out on part of their life…or miss out on all of yours.
Ready for true FREEDOM in your life?
Ready for the freedom from family and societal expectations? You may be the next perfect candidate for my transformational coaching program. Book a call and let’s see if it’s a great fit to work together.
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Mike’s quote of the week:
“The rare human practices presence and leisure, deep relationships and inner work, peacefulness and joy.” - MM
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Do you find value in these stories? Consider sharing this with your friends, family, and coworkers. I truly appreciate you!
Enjoy the journey,
Mike