“Why won’t he be different?”
“Why won’t she change?”
Isn’t it clear that no one remains the same?
Everyone changes, but here’s the issue…most people don’t expand at the same rate.
Some may even experience times of contraction.
And that’s okay if it’s a time for healing, repair, or seclusion.
But it’s the difference in “rate of change” that seems to drive relationships apart.
This can be the case with a typical romantic relationship, where one partner is now into yoga and meditation while the other still swills beer on weekends while watching a giant glass screen.
Or it could be with best friends. One of them joins a spiritual book club while the other misses her “old friend” to go shopping and clubbing with.
Let me make this clear: In both examples, NEITHER IS “WRONG”.
The trouble arises when one of the people in the relationship feels that it is.
And only you can know what that “off-ness” feels like.
I was inspired to write this because my best friend, Dave, arrives in Costa Rica in a few hours. We’ve been best friends for ten years and have seen each other through a lot.
He’s also not staying for a few days or a week…but for a month.
It will be the longest, most adventurous, and freeing trip of his 42-year-old life, and he’s never going to be the same.
But he wasn’t ready for it until now.
Dave recently quit the job he had for a decade and is taking a break from an industry that he’s worked in for his entire professional life.
Although I never coached Dave formally, I can’t help but acknowledge and appreciate that he’s been moving more and more toward a similar “path” as I am on.
He’s no longer willing to give away his time for work that no longer challenges or lights him up. He realizes that security is an illusion and retirement is a hoax. He is ready to LIVE LIFE FULLY!!
And he and I talk A LOT…we’ve lived together, skied together on hundreds of occasions, and spent hours together on just as many forest hikes, camping trips, and Main Street walks.
We talk about life, philosophy, relationships, and Seinfeld jokes.
He was also there for me when I was at my lowest…when I was drinking to escape the reality I was living in and utterly depressed.
He was there for me when Alisa and I opened up our relationship and became polyamorous.
And when my Uncle Alec, Grandma Jeannie, and sweet Rocky Boy passed…Dave was always there for me.
Great relationships are like that.
One is pulling the other up…and then you switch.
Sometimes you lean, and sometimes you’re leaned on.
Sometimes you learn, and sometimes you’re the teacher.
And sometimes it doesn’t work like that, and it’s time to move on. You can honor what the relationship was and all the gifts it gave you both…and then let it go.
Remember…not all boats are ready to be lifted. You can inspire others by living authentically, but you can’t force anyone to change.
Consciousness is like a wave. Some people are just not ready to ride it.
However, when this rising tide lifts the other boats around you as well, that’s how the deepest, most spiritually connected relationships endure.
But the best part is this…
This is YOUR life. You get to choose the tide you ride and the boats you hang out with.
Choose wisely.
Ready to have the best relationship with yourself so you can attract in the best relationships with others?
You may be the perfect candidate for our transformational coaching program, led by my wife Alisa and me, to help you DE-PROGRAM and ENJOY THE SHIT out of your life!
Book a call with me and let’s see if it’s a great fit to work together.
Mike’s quote of the week:
“If you’re always ACTING a certain way to please others or gain their approval, you are the ACTOR...not the producer...of your life.” - MM
Things I’ve shared recently:
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Enjoy the journey,
Mike